Tanzania - "Boats 'N Hoes, Arrrrggh!!!"

TANZANIA

After our few weeks with Maxie & Collette, we finally left Kenya and headed for Tanzania. After being pretty much mugged by Tanzanian immigration (US$100 each for visas and $130 for the jeep), we were in!!!

Only a few miles in and we came across our first bit of wildlife, a massive hyena…

…I have to say though; he was looking a bit under the weather and the bang of death off him, my God!

NGORONGORO CRATER

Anyway, we ventured on and camped for one night in Arusha. We made the big decision the next day to head to the Ngorongora Crater, a wildlife reserve. It’s an unbelievable looking place, a huge open plain around 600 m below the rim of the crater. It’s the big field behind us…

We were there before the gates even opened at the crack of dawn, first in line. In the words of Marc (Holland); “if you’re not first, you’re last”… those Dutch, sorry Marc ;)!

Before we even reached the bottom of the crater we’d already seen an elephant and loads of water buffalo. Not long after we came across a pride of lions eating the shit out of a Wildebeest. Poor auld Mr. Wildebeest seems to always get the short end of the stick…

We were only about 2m away from them with the windows down when one of the females hopped up and growled at another. It scared the living daylights out of us. Luckily they were more interested in their dinner than us.

Anyway, we spent the whole day driving around the crater looking for this and that when we finally spotted number four of the big five, the black rhino…

In the Masai Mara, you can do what you pretty much want and drive off the tracks. Unfortunately, you actually have to stick to the roads in the Ngorongora Crater so we couldn’t get any closer. Having just gotten given out to by a Ranger a few minutes before hand for going off the main route, we couldn’t really do it again. Instead we had to settle for looking at it through binoculars, or squinting eyes. Probably better off seeing as we blatantly would have driven right up to it.

Even rarer than the elusive black rhino, the mysterious leopard, or even the obscure dodo, we may have spotted one of Ireland’s most famous exports! Non other than the main man himself, one of Ireland’s big five, Mr. Briano McWestlife-McFadden (and his big fancy camera)...

…I’m still waiting for my 20,000 Euro from the Sun for this exclusive snap.

Anyway, we also saw a few other things in the crater…

Mr. Masai Warrior herding his cattle (walking around where there’s loads of lions)…

Mr. Eland Hidin’ behind a tree…

Mr. Hippopotamus chillaxin’ with his homies in the mud…

Mr. Zebra doing some “stretching” exercises. Jaysus, he’s a big fella…

Mr. Wildebeest eatin’ some grass…

Mr. Elemephant also eatin’ some grass …

Mr. Eagle hangin’ out up in the sky…

And last but not least, Mr. Blue Balls himself, just doin’ his monkey thing…

To coin a phrase from Tony the Tiger... "Monkies, they’rrre great!"

Anyway, the next day we headed south towards Dar es Salaam. We camped one night on the way in a complete dump with three overlanders on motorbikes we saw in the Ngorongoro Crater the day before, sound lads.

We continued on to Dar making great time. Then, the unthinkable happened… Janer got caught speeding. Yes, speeding!

We kept telling her, “Janer, it’s better to arrive 5 minutes late in this life than 5 minutes early in the next”, but she just wouldn’t listen. TZS 10,000*... Oh the humanity. (*5 Euro).

DARRRRRR - "That's good, now say Arrrgh"...Eric Cartman

We finally arrived in Dar es Salaam (known as Dar) after a long days driving. It’s HOT, soooo HOT and humid! We stayed the first night on South Beach camping on the sand, beautiful place…

We met up with Simon "Wookie" Wall, an old friend of Janers from home and his friend Marty 'Shamrock" O'Leary who just moved over last week. They’re both sailing instructors in Dar es Salaam Yacht Club, Arrgh, it’s a tough life.

Here's the yacht club from the water...

This is what the bar looks like, great craic...

Everybody, in your best pirate accent - "Arrrrgh, and a round of glug for me maties"

We spent the night drinking triple Konyagi, “the spirit of the nation” (very very cheap Tanzanian gin), and fizzy bubblach. I’ve no memory of getting back to my tent, but I must have passed right out and forgot to close the zip or do my routine mosquito check. Woke up the next morning with about 20 mossies flying over me resulting in just over 100 bites, I even got one on my eye lid! I f@?&*$g HATE mossies, they’re such greedy little bastards! Here’s an example of some on my left arm. Pure torture.

The following day we left South Beach and moved to the Dar es Salaam Yacht Club (as you do). Wookie and Marty took us under their wing and really looked after us. They took us sailing on a yacht (The True Mist; she's a fine vessel) with a big cooler box of Kilimanjaro, great day. My first time on a yacht too, and they even let me park at the mooring (it's a big orange thingameebob thing that stops the boat from floating away, genius). Isn't she GLOORIUS...

Janer, Wookie, Marty, Podge and Me

In the words of the Lonely Island Crew & T-Pain… “I’m on a boat. I’m on a boat. Everybody look at me cause I’m sailing on a boat.” (This is a family show so I won’t continue).

Interesting fact about Dar, Roald Dahl lived here years ago and across the bay in the distance is the cement factory that inspired him to write Charlie And The Chocolate Factory. Suppose it does have a mysterious aura about it in the distance...

We went out that evening to an Ethiopian restaurant called 'Addis In Dar' for Wookie’s friend, Seb’s birthday. Great craic and another messy night which ended up with Podge picking up and hugging two Masai Warriors outside the bar. What are they doing there you might ask. There was a drought that killed a lot of their cattle so they came down here to do security. Who’s going to mess with a man with a spear (and two mobile phones)?

We spent the next day chilling in the pool and watching the rugby matches up in the bar. Mike, one of the members offered to bring us out sailing and fishing the next day on his massive catamaran. Arrrggh!

Mike's catamaran, the Oscar Charlie is another glorious vessel...

and here's the main man himself...

I could definitely get used to this...

Later on the infamous Cap'n Marty arrived with Cam and tried to take over the ship, Arrrggh. These are the most pirate infested seas in the world, and a lot of the boats moored at the yacht club can't leave the area because of them. Arrrrggh, tis a pity!

Just before sunset, Wookie arrived in a dingy and treated us to an evening of jazz flute, honest to God it was absolutely amazing...

Ron Burgundy ain't got shit on him. Pibbidy boo bo bibbidy bo booo booooo (that's what a jazz flute sounds like). Arrrrggh!

We were also treated to a little Irish dancing from Janer on the Arsehienda (arse end) of the boat, a first for the Ocean Cruiser...

On our last day in Dar, we all went on a big adventure on the swashbuckling high seas to Bongyo Island (or something like that)...

We had Cap'n "Man the Jib" Marty batten down the hatches on the True Mist, pulling out the main sheet and drinking cans of Kili. He loves his beer does our Marty!

We also met up with Wookie & Marty's friends Ian and Byron near the island; two really really cool guys. Here they are trying to catch some fishes...

They brought us all from the True Mist to the beach on Boyngo Island in their speed boat where we had a bit of an auld wander. No buried treasure to report, but we didn't exactly do any digging.

So much sailing over the past few days I don't know myself, I'm now a qualified steer master according to Marty (means I can steer the boat, AND park it)...

Seriously though, there's nothing to it. It's all a piece of piss ;). Just man the jib and steer the rudder, pull the tiller, way anchor and you're set... it's that easy (and yes, sail boats actually have rudders, I know. I found it hard to believe too).

Anyway, we had to bid farwell to Wookie and Marty and head further on south towards S. Africa. Dar, what a place. Thanks a million guys for making Tanzania a great and memorable experience :). We'll see yis back in Ireland, ARRRRRRRRGGH!!!

Bye bye Maxie & Collette :(

As in life, all good things must come to an end. Maxie and Collette are leaving us all alone in Africa. Oh the humanity.

We spent the last few days at Camp Carnelley's (check out the website, it's pretty awesome) right on Lake Naivasha only about an hour outside Nairobi.

It’s an amazing campsite run by Chrissy & Lovat Carnelley who are sound out. Chrissy (originally Chrissy Carney) is actually from Rathfarnham Park in Dublin and knows Collette’s niece Sarah really well. Small world, hey? Camp Carnelleys... great bar, great food, and great people. Oh, and loads of monkies too. The monkey on the left lived in the trees above our tents. If you're going to take a picture of one, it's not advisable to stand directly underneath them. They poop a lot!

Here’s us with Chrissy & Lovat outside the bar…

Chrissy, Lovat, Janer, Maxie, Collette, Podge and Me

On our first day there we went out on the lake in a boat looking for hippos and flamingos.

Hippos everywhere, you gotta hold on tight…

The guy driving the boat was great, brought us through the weeds to see the birds…

…then when we were beside the hippos he started revving the engine and a massive one started coming towards us looking a bit pissed off, as you'd expect.

That night, myself and Podge got absolutely rat arsed in the bar and decided to go hippo hunting at about 2 am. There’s a one-foot deep ditch at the end of the campsite to stop the hippos coming across. I know, one foot, but they’ve got little legs. Anyway, we went right down to the edge of the water and shone the torch into it. Right in front of us was a massive hippo, all we could see were his eyes. He jumped up and let an almighty roar and sent the two of us sprinting back over the ditch. After another little excursion down to the water’s edge and another roar, we called it a night and fell asleep on the grass by the ditch.

The next day we went into the Hell’s Gate national park and saw some more animals, nothing major to report. Saw some baboons and a blue-balled monkey…

In case you didn’t make it out, here’s a close up. They’re the strangest colour ever…

The day before we left Naivasha, we went to another Lake (can’t remember the name) and looked for flamingos. We only found a few, but had a great time there…

Collette & Maxie

We had a great last night in Camp Carnelleys with Chrissy & Lovat, very very memorable mini safari ;). For further details, ask me in person. All I can say is, God bless John Jameson for its wonderfully spectacular magical tastiness! However, it makes you do crazy crazy things. Here's where it all started, what a place...

Hopefully, when Chrissy & Lovat come over to Ireland next, we’ll all meet up and go absolutely bananas!

Anyway, goodbye to Maxie & Collette who’re heading back to Ireland. It's been so great to have you guys over here for the few weeks. We’ll really really miss you :(.

Hakuna matata Kenya, onwards to Tanzania and beyond!!!

Jambo Kenya, Hakuna matata :)

Kenya is without doubt one of the best countries I’ve ever visited. The first encounter I had was with some locked lad who came up to me in the jeep to welcome me to Kenya. “Jambo! Caribou! Welcome to Kenya”. I must have shaken his hand about 30 times before he finally staggered off home, brilliant.

MOYALE TO NAIROBI

We entered Kenya at the border town of Moyale, and spent our first night free camping with Marc & Dela in the back of a massive police compound. You couldn’t get more secure or cheap, especially after the campsite we planned on staying in wanted to charge us US$15 each.

The next day we drove to Marsabit in convoy with Marc & Dela, which took us 10 and a half hours to drive just 250 km. The dirt road from Moyale to Marsabit is the worst road we’ve driven on to date. The surface is in absolute bits and full of:

Corrugations (series of regular bumps with short spacing in the road surface), which shake the jeep like a kid's rattler...

…hard & soft sand…

…and gravel & rocks…

We lost a wheel nut, the jerry can holder underneath broke from bottoming out, one of the batteries leaked, steering fluid leaked and the back window motor and brakes got so caked in dust they barely worked. Poor Podge was in the horrors with what the road was doing to his baby!

After spending the night in Henry’s Camp in Marsabit, we continued along the bad road to the Umoja women’s camp in Samburu traveling the last few km on glorious glorious asphalt.

The Umujo Uaso Women’s Group is made up of about 60 women who escaped from brutally violent and abusive domestic situations. They set up a village and campsite in the area where the motto is “Where Women Rule”.

On our second day there I woke up with what I thought was the worst hangover I’ve ever had. As the day went on my entire body started aching and I was feeling like complete crap. Spent that day and night in my tent with a whopping fever hoping I hadn’t caught malaria. The next day I found out I had Rift Valley fever from a mosquito bite... not nice!

The next morning when we were getting ready to leave, we met an amazing girl from Nairobi called Dola. She had an old guitar with her and after hearing we were leaving said she’d give us a quick performance. Brilliant musician with an amazing voice and really infectious personality.

When she finished playing I said I’d swap her something for one of her CDs. When I produced my guitar case from the back of the jeep she actually fell on the ground screaming. I had intended leaving the guitar in Africa anyway and though this was the perfect person to give it to. So after sticking an Irish flag on it and signing it, she gave us a quick tune of Jambo Bwana (absolutely class song!!!). It was great to see my very first guitar go to a good home.

NAIROBI

After our memorable encounter with Dola, we all headed south to Nairobi. Almost all overlanders going through Nairobi stop off at a place called Jungle Junction (JJs). It’s a compound/hostel/campsite/garage located in the Embassy belt of Nairobi and owned by a sound German guy called Chris. After the terrible road from Moyale, most people generally need to get a few repairs done to their jeeps/motorbikes and what better place to choose. As nice as the area is, there were two gunshots one night down the road where two guys were shot dead trying to break into a compound. At least we knew we were safe :).

At JJs myself, Podge, Michael (Germany) and Mark (England) decided to do ‘the kilo challenge’ as you can get a 1 kg fillet of beef for about 5 euro in the local butcher. I made my famous pepper sauce to accompany it. As tasty as the meat was, it was a hell of a lot of work. We all managed to finish it, however it proved to be a bit too much for poor Mark who fell short with about 200 g left. Still, he put up a valiant effort for an English man ;). Sorry Mark!

Myself, Mark, Podge and Michael

Unfortunately Mark and his dad Tony had to cut their Africa trip short and head home after Tony crashed his motorbike in Rwanda breaking his leg in three places. They’re two lovely lads we first met in Egypt a few months ago. Get well soon Tony!

After a week in JJs (and a lot of steak), Collette and Maxie (Podge’s parents) flew into Nairobi to travel around with us for a few of weeks. It was great to have the newest members of the Global-Slacker team on board. Our first outing was to the giraffe sanctuary in Nairobi. You can feed them and they even give you a kiss if you’re lucky, scooorrrre…

After finally seeing some semi-wild animals, we wanted to see more. So the following day we set off for the Masai Mara game reserve. A long drive on crap roads, but soo worth it.

MASAI MARA

The Masi are a tribe who live beside the reserve. They all wear a red tartan garment over their shoulders and carry spears to protect themselves from wild animals. Here's a fine example...

We spent two days in the reserve driving around in the jeep. Unbelievable experience. You could easily spend a month in the place.

Me, Maxie, Podge, Collette and Janer

Here are some of the amazing things we saw (watch out National Geographic)…

- Elephants & hippos (me thinks hippos are scared of elephants)…

- Crocodiles sitting in the sun. Crocodiles are only found in two places on earth; the northern and southern hemisphere…

- Vultures eating the shit out of a wildebeest...

- Water buffalos eating the shit out of grass…

- Wildebeest crossing the Mara River…

- Wilder beasts that never made it across the Mara River getting the shit eaten out of them by more vultures…

- A cheetah…

- A gazelle…

- A cheetah chasing a gazelle…

…a cheetah killing a gazelle…

…and cheetah cubs eating a gazelle…

- Lions; menacing and terrifying, they have been menacing and terrifying people for over a decade…

- And monkeys, lots of monkeys. Interestingly, researchers believe that monkeys make up over 80% of the worlds monkey population…

Anyway, all good things must come to an end and we headed back to JJs in Nairobi and watched Ireland v S. Africa in a hotel in the city… the less said about that the better.

Next day, we headed for the coast stopping one night at Red Elephant campsite in Voi. Here’s David from the campsite. I told him I’d put him on the blog. He’d some great stories about Kenya.

TIWI BEACH

After two days on the road, we arrived at Tiwi Beach just south of Mombasa… pure paradise; white sand, palm trees, warm sea, coconuts to drink, fresh fish on the campfire and good auld Tucker beer. Marc & Dela were already here when we arrived.

We all loved it so much we spent a whole week and celebrated Janer’s 25^th birthday Saturday night…

We’re just back in Nairobi today and heading off to some lake and game reserve with Maxie and Collette tomorrow. It's a tough life, but someone's gotta do it!